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July 23, 2008
I Don't Know What To Say
I am home for the summer. I don't know what to say. I haven't written in a while.
I guess I feel pretty protective of myself right now. I feel pulled into a million directions, and split into a million pieces. It's not anything anyone else is doing... it's all my own internal mess pressing in on me. My precariously-built house of cards falling down...
I was running today. I have gotten out of the habit. It is so hard to get started again. The air outside is so heavy and hot, it clings to me, it sticks to me, it weighs me down. One foot in front of the other, again and again and again and again until I find a rhythm.
Finding a rhythm is kind of like falling asleep. I usually don't really remember when it happens, but all of a sudden I'm not thinking about running anymore, I'm thinking about other things and moving effortlessly. Today it felt like I was trying to run through oatmeal. It was laborious, grueling, exhausting. I had to think about it the entire time. One foot in front of the other, breathe...keep going...breathe...keep going.
Sometimes life feels that way, too...
Posted by darby on July 23, 2008 09:23 PM
Comments
yeah, it does, Darb---you are absolutely right.
I hope that it feels effortless for you again. Soon.
And I misssssssssssss you...
Posted by: jessica on July 24, 2008 04:14 AM
It was nice to see you today, Darby, however briefly. You were just getting ready for your run, and I had just finished working out. I have not yet gotten to the point where the workout is effortless...what does THAT feel like? I am trying so hard to have the right form, focus on the right muscles, tighten my abs, press the small of my back against the floor and, oh yeah, BREATHE! If it should happen to get effortless, Brian will just make me do more reps or devise some more challenging way to do each exercise. Still, even though it is not fun, when I am finished I am always glad I did it. I guess that's something. And I really think I am starting to get a little stronger, a little more flexible. Little by little, step by step...that probably works for life, too. God bless!
Posted by: kathiek on July 24, 2008 11:25 PM
yes...I feel that way too my friend. Trying to run, trying to live......oatmeal.....with big raisin chunks and brown sugar lumps. I will see you soon and maybe we can pull each other out of the breakfast cereal.
Posted by: liz marsh on July 25, 2008 07:53 PM
"Running through Oatmeal" - what a great name for a movie or a book.. don't know what made me think of that, but it seems like that title would relate to a lot of people w/ how they feel about life at times..
Posted by: murth on July 30, 2008 03:35 PM