Darby, this is my husband in a nut shell, and it's so sad that you think you need to be forgiven for being an introvert or shy or a hermit or whatever you want to call it. When I tell people that hubby is actually kind of shy, they are shocked, because he is so outgoing and generous on the surface. He feels that to tell the truth about who he is would offend people, and he is scared to death of doing that. He needs approval, especially from the people he loves. He is actually very needy, but he needs a lot of time alone. He wanted children SO badly, and then was overwhelmed by how dependent they are on him. Yet he loves them more than anything.

It's now very hard for him to have something leftover for others without going crazy if he has no time for himself. He avoids phone calls (he hates talking on the phone anyway because he doesn't like to have a conversation where he can't see the other person's face), he doesn't strike up chats with neighbors or co-workers or fellow church members because he fears he might obligate himself to do something with them or for them. Yet he needs people so deeply. I asked him if he minds that I share this with you, and he readily agrees because he can feel your pain so exactly. I'm still anonymous until I can figure out a way to feel secure about stalkers on the internet, but I will tell you that our boys used to play together occasionally in church years ago.

I think the hardest part is learning to tell the truth about yourself, even if it hurts, because it's so much more painful to pretend. I imagine maybe it feels like there's an element of sin in feeling sort of anti-social when we are meant to have fellowship with each other per the lord's request. But it's so much more meaningful to have a deep relationship with a few people then spread yourself so thin. And you CAN'T have a deep relationship with everyone, it just can't be done, no matter how much you think you should. Or you CAN have a lot of deep relationships, but you can't put that much time into them. Because you are such a beautiful, caring soul, there are going to be a lot of people who would like to have more of you. But now that you are revealing this about yourself, hopefully now they can understand a little better. You're very brave to talk about it.

hermit crabs are the best kind of crabs.

As a fellow hermit, I totally understand what you are saying. Hermits of the world unite (in spirit only please)!

Darb, i'm not going to tell you again, quit reading my diary. I'm especially fond of the avalanche of guilt and regret. Not to mention the shock it was to my dearly beloved. Here she thought she was marrying the life of the party and instead I cringe at every phone call and invitation.

I kinda think there'll be plenty of time, energy and desire for shenanigans in the long tomorrow. Some understand, some feel slighted.

Hey, wait a minute, you never lost my cds, did you? You sly dog...

I have a number of friends who are introverted, and some of them have jobs that require them to be with a lot of other people much of the time, so they really need time alone to recharge their batteries (so to speak). I can really relate to that, not because I am an introvert, but because I have noticed that while I am extroverted and enjoy the company of others, I still need time alone to recharge. Normally, that is not hard to find, because John has to travel a lot for work, so I get to have quite a bit of time alone (sometimes more than I want, I have to say!). Until recently, my mom has lived with us (it would have been 2 years this coming October, when my step-father died), so that made it a bit difficult from time to time. She recently moved into her own place, which is a very good and healthy thing for her, so I am again getting the time alone that I need. I think this makes it easier for me to understand and appreciate others' needs to be alone. I enjoy whatever time people can give and don't sweat the time we don't have together. I know I'll see them again. True friends ought to know each other well enough that they are able to cut each other some slack, respect each other's needs, and not be offended by each other. I

Ok here is a tip on how to change the impression that you have given people your entire life. since you mentioned that you weren't quite sure how.

A wise life coach once told me the way to get people to treat me differently, was to simply act different.

This wise nameless life coach then taught me through a series of "roll playing", new phrases that I could use to get people to see and treat me differently, thereby getting what I needed (less requests for help & more time for me)

So here for you now are some new subtle phrases that you can incorporate into your daily life.

Remember this may be awkward and a little wierd in the beginning, but this will soon pass, I know this because my life coach told me and she is very wise, oh did I mention that she is also a GREAT listener.
Sample New Phrases

No,I'm sorry I wish I could, but I can't.
(most people won't question this)

Oh I wish we could, but with all this running
around, we just need a little down time.
I'm sure you can understand.

Oh I dont know.

this one was a personal favorite of my very own
life coach, see I was always running around trying to find answers for people that really just wanted someone to find the answer for them, eventually I learned to say "I dont know" enough that they finally stopped asking me..thanks life coach wherever you are.

oh and for what it's worth here are some now suggested "banned" sayings

Yes, sure I'd love to. (even though you just heard about it 2 minutes ago)

and sorry but most of your Yep's & Sure's & Yeah's

Please be advised the above mentioned suggetions are based solely on the teachings of my own unavailable guru, whom I love dearly and understand completely.

Darby, I know you care.

You just be yourself.

I love you.

Darby!!

I have a theory. It is that you feel so deeply (note: not too deeply, just so deeply) that it kind of cuts. In particular, you are very empathetic, so you feel other people's feelings deeply, too. Whether good or bad, your feelings are sharp. Feeling so much must become exhausting. But I don't think that this is bad; in a world grown cold, we need to hear from those who really feel. Which is, I think, one reason why your music is so powerful. But I understand that it must be hard.

Personally, I am very delighted that there is such a thing as The Darby in this universe, and I am content to just enjoy that knowledge. That's what is behind the Darby Yell for me - just an expression of my joy at who you are and that you are.

Darby - whether I see or hear from you every 10 mins or every 10 years, you will always be one of my favorite people. I understand your need to be a hermit. After living on my own for nearly 20 years, I truly enjoy - and still crave - my alone time and need it more often than not..

And I have to admit I like what 'peaj' had to say - I'm glad The Darby is in this world!

Darby - whether I see or hear from you every 10 mins or every 10 years, you will always be one of my favorite people. I understand your need to be a hermit. After living on my own for nearly 20 years, I truly enjoy - and still crave - my alone time and need it more often than not..

And I have to admit I like what 'peaj' had to say - I'm glad The Darby is in this world!

I'd like to hear what the "darby yell" sounds like.

Darby, I understand more than you know. I find the older I get, the harder it is for me to fake bring outgoing, and the more exhausting it gets. It really isn't that I am cold hearted, it's just that I need to have peace and quiet, or else really bad things happen. I wish I had written that whole thing to the world myself-I think it would be very freeing!
And ps-- you always will be special to me, and I alwayys feel connected to you even when we don't see eachother or talk. That's the power of the darby!

I marvel every day at how two people born of the same parents can be sooooo different(yet so awesome). I am an introvert too. The difference is that I don't love people. I love some people and the people I love I love fiercely. All of my close friends and I can go for long periods of time without seeing each other and then when we feel like we need to get together, we do and we are recharged for awhile. Just ask my dearest Elizabeth. Anywho, I love you. If you don't want to hang out tomorrow just say the word. You will always be my sister whether we hang out or not.

Hi Darby,

I was going to write something about the days of halcyon and how in fifth grade you befriended me when I had no other friends. I was going to mention that I remember enjoying being seen with you on the playground because everyone knew you were the prettiest girl in our class. I was thinking about telling you how I wished I had thanked you previously.

But maybe the thing you should know is that during and after high school, when the boys would get together (you remember the boys in your graduating class), we'd often talk about this girl or that, and often conclude with, "well, she's no Darby". You were the yardstick against which we measured the women in our lives. Bet you didn't know that!

Thanks for being our yardstick, Darby. I hope you are well.

A hermit? I thought more a lizard ever a molting....no matter what species...I still love you.

I hope heaven allows for long stretches of alone time. I, for one, would love that.

I am praying for a solution for all your ills. I'm hoping that one day in the very near future you'll have a life that is more than mere survival.