Darby you have so much value to so many people, but most important God values you above all things. We don’t earn his love by how good we are, his love is a gift to us if only we will receive it, even if we believe we are wretched. He values you, so much so that he gave his own son’s life for yours. You mean everything to him, he doesn’t care if you deserve it or not. God wants you to enjoy the beauty he created in this world just for us. He made that waterfall and the sky and the ocean and the mountains just for us. He wants good things for you, and so do your family and friends. He doesn’t care how much better someone else is compared with you. You have no less value than anyone else to God. You ARE special, EXACTLY as you are, and you certainly do deserve all the good things God has to offer all of us. If you want to improve yourself and grow and develop, it will all be for his glory, but you are valuable exactly the way you are. Personally I think I’d recommend some self esteeming exercises, because for a beautiful soul such as yourself to be so down on yourself is a bloody shame, but you ARE deserving and God loves you just as you are. And if you would measure riches by the amount of people who love you in this world, you are a very wealthy girl. I know you’re homesick and rightly so, when I first moved from southeast PA to Los Angeles I felt like a fish out of water for a very long time. Just give it some more time, and you will find some things to love and some new good people to love in your life as well. But don’t discount your right to grieve.

Darbs,

First, it was great to see you over the holidays. You are a blessing.

Second, you are right. You don't deserve the wonderfulness of what you have got. Good things don't correlate with what people do, because the whole system has gotten corrupted by our collective rebellion from God.

But, you and I have been granted grace from God. Undeserving, unmerited by our actions, He looked down on you and me before we were ever made and had yet to do or think anything, and He said: "I want that one. That one is for me."

I know it is hard to believe. Even when I think that I know it with my mind, my heart still slips off the concept. Because the gift is so great, and I am, well, so undeserving. But it doesn't have to do with my deserving. It has to do with His choice. We can ask Him why, and I think He answers with "Because I chose. And I am Lord."

And then, here is the really mind-expanding part. Through His choice, we have been made deserving.

Now, you may question whether you have really been chosen. But I don't. I know, through the direct witness of the Spirit to me, that you have been chosen. Other people, who also have the Spirit, say the same.

Is this a simple answer? No, it isn't. The words are simple to write, but I know that it is hard work to get them into the heart where they can have their effect. But you are allowed to accept this, Darby. It is your right, because you have been chosen, to believe in your Chosen status.

Again, you are wonderful. Listen to some chattering water for me.

Peaj

"Could be there's nobody out there but what if there is..."

Look Darb, You are an amazing person and in my book you deserve only and all good things. Plus, it isn't like it was all just handed to you. Jase and you worked really hard and made really good choices and now you are reaping the benefits. What is unfair about that?All I can say is that when you are sad...guess what, don't be sad...you know the rest.(ok, ok , I'll say it...because I am your sister)

Yay--Darby is blogging! And darby is in a beautiful place with some time to herself...I am happy for you, Darb! And you are right--it doesn't make sense that some of us have so much and some so little, but the thing is, you guys are so generous with what you have! Many of us have been enriched because you guys give of yourselves emotionally, spiritually, financially, etc. You are a giving person and I can name many times when I have benefitted from your giving...It's like pay if forward, right? You guys do that constantly; I really see you live by the golden rule. All you can do is take the moment, see what you have to share, share it and then watch God multiply it--which is what God continues to do with you and jase. Anyway, I miss you and can't wait to go out there and see you guys for a good long while!

Darby,
I miss you so much - all the wonderful talks we had, the advice you gave me in my quest to be a powerful and very important marketing executive, and most of all, your innate ability to teach me about what is important in life. You are the best and I will always love you.