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June 22, 2006
Duckfoot Leafis
I've been sitting here thinking of something new to write, and when I sit down, my mind is blank. Well, really, my mind is racing...but racing to think of what is appropriate to write and what isn't....and all of the recent thoughts that come through my brain fail the test.
So I just looked out the window. And I saw the big tree next to our driveway. I can't remember if it's a maple or what it is...but I was reminded of a day last year, when my son Ollie said, "I like Duckfoot Leafis."
Duckfoot Leafis?
He said this with a completely straight face. So I knew to take him seriously. And I asked, "Buddy, what's a duckfoot leafis?"
And he said, "See the leafis on that tree? They are duckfoots."
It's true. Each of the leafis (his plural for leaf) is shaped like a duck's foot. But I had never noticed it before. Now when I see that tree, all I can see is hundreds of thousands of duckfoot leafis. (Which is what that type of tree will forever be called amongst us now.)
I know this is a very short post, but I will have to write again later because a pair of little feet who are supposed to be in bed are running around upstairs and I must see what is going on with the child attached to them....
Posted by darby on 07:49 PM | Comments (5)
June 10, 2006
A Wish to be Sophisticated
I wish I was sophisticated. Often I look at other people and wonder how they are so put together. Are you born that way? Just knowing what to wear, where to go, what mannerisms to use to portray that you know what you are doing?
I often forget that I am not thirteen years old. How did my body age to thirty-one when I am still an awkward adolescent inside? I trip over myself and don't know what to do with my limbs most of the time. I meet eyes with people...can they see right through me and know that I wish I could melt into the ground?
This happens especially when I don't have my kids with me. When I am with my kids, I am a mother completely engaged in taking care of my children. But when I take some time to be a person, a separate person, I realize that I still have the same insecurities that I have always had. They are just quieter when my children are all I can hear.
So here I am. Alone. And painfully aware that I am not one of them. The sophisticated. The sure. The at-peace-with-being-inside-of-themselves.
How do you become a person comfortable in the space you occupy? How do you learn to glide effortlessly through what surrounds you, as opposed to lumbering uncomfortably....at all times a mere second away from tripping, as awkwardness coats the inside of your mouth, ready to spill out with any words you may say?
At this point, I will give up my dream to ever be sophisticated...I would settle for being simply not noticeably ridiculous and out of place and not belonging wherever I happen to be....
Posted by darby on 12:38 PM | Comments (25)
June 09, 2006
In Vancouver
I am writing from a most beautiful place. I am sitting by a picture window, drinking English breakfast tea and eating a sticky bun, looking out over a long empty beach.... with the waves of the Pacific ocean rolling onto the shore.
There are forested mountains jutting out into the ocean, placing me in the center of a cove. A rocky island not too far offshore is home to a white lighthouse with a red roof. It is an overcast day, and for some reason it makes being in this overstuffed chair all the more cozy.
Two cheery grey-haired women drink tea at a small round table nearby. They speak in British accents of a bloke they know who is wonderful, really....but never one to blow his own trumpet now, is he? ...
I love this place. Tofino, Vancouver Island...it is just a beautiful, peaceful place. There are forests here filled with trees that are straight from a storybook. Soft, mossy trails through green woods...the whole place smells like sweet pine.
It is very, very inspiring...
I'll try to write again soon...
Posted by darby on 01:07 PM | Comments (8)