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May 20, 2006
Missed Opportunity
Last night before I went to bed, I listened to the messages on our answering machine.
I listened with great sadness to a message from Judy Palkovitz ( an amazing woman who incidentally is responsible for the birth of 3/5 of the members of The Look Machine.) She said that she heard I was accepting any and all requests to perform, and would I be interested in a spontaneous opportunity to play a benefit show that very night in Manhattan?!
I was so very sad that I hadn't heard the message earlier. While yes, I would have had to work through some severe stage fright issues, it would have actually been a perfect scenario for me...I am a very last minute kind of a girl...and the less time I have to think about something, the better. I would have said yes and been on my way in a matter of hours, leaving me not much time to obsess and fear.
And New York! One of my favorite places ever. Ugh, I am so sad.
It was nice of her to think of me, anyway. . .
On a slightly different note, I've been feeling lately like something is about to shift in my life. I mean, my children are now getting older and they are becoming more independent...they no longer need me to have my eye on them every second, which has created a new and amazing phenomenon. There are times when all four of us are home, and we are all doing our own thing...I can play the piano even when they are around. This is relatively new. For the past 6 years, if I ever even attempted to do something separate from them, it was a matter of minutes before I'd hear a very high-pitched little voice yelling, "MOMMMMMMMMMMMYYYYY!!!"
I liken motherhood of very young children to a slavery of sorts.
But a strange kind of slavery...I chose this. And I'm so very thankful that I did, because I can't imagine the world without these two little individuals (who are very certain of their individuality) and I am honored that I can play this role in their lives.
Now that they are getting older, however, I am starting to remember that I was a person before I was a mother. And now I have to figure out why I am here, and what I am going to do about it... I hope with all of my heart that a large part of that reason has to do with music...but how do I move forward? For a long time I've had issues that kept me from really going ahead, but that time has come to an end. I want to do something with this, I just don't know exactly where to start.
Whoever among you are praying folk, would you toss one up for me? Cause I feel like if I don't move forward soon, I'm going to shrivel up and die on the vine. Thank you....
Posted by darby on May 20, 2006 07:56 PM
Comments
There will be no dying on the vine for you, my dear. There will be more invitations to play--and you have already made it known that you will not turn them down! You say that you desperately hope that music is part of your calling--of course it is! It's part of who you are, how you express yourself. The right doors will open, I know it. And we'll all be cheering you on when they do.
Posted by: jessica on May 21, 2006 02:33 AM
I am sorry that you missed out on such a cool opportunity- but I am really very glad that you got to participate in celebrating with my Jason (Jayson, whatever). We will have to get a piano in our house so that you can accept invitations to play for us!!! (complete with a view of the pond)
Posted by: Susan on May 21, 2006 10:53 AM
MANHATTAN?!! Ugg,Darbs,must have hurt. Well, you can still come play for me. And if you ever get another one of those kinds of offers and need a sidekick to come with you, call me 'cause I am a last minute kinda girl too!
Posted by: min on May 21, 2006 10:28 PM
MANHATTAN?!! Ugg, Darbs, that must have hurt. Well, you can still come play for me. And if you ever get another one of those kinds of offers and need a sidekick to come with you, call me 'cause I am a last minute kinda girl too!
Posted by: min on May 21, 2006 10:29 PM
Is there an echo in here? My mistake, sorry for taking up blog space. Oops, just did it again! UGGGG!
Posted by: min on May 21, 2006 10:31 PM
Hey you forgot to mention the other cool message that an another amazing woman left on your answer machine. I think it had to do with Pink...
Posted by: Jenna on May 22, 2006 09:33 PM
Is that the benefit concert that Jes organized? I'm sure she'd organize another with you as the main attraction!
Posted by: Jen on May 23, 2006 01:43 PM
really sad darb, maybe you should have been home tending to your business instead of mercilessly attacking your poor sister, merry.
Posted by: mers on May 24, 2006 07:49 AM
Have you missed any opportunities to post in the last few days?
Posted by: Anonymous on May 24, 2006 10:13 PM
I was just listening to Nostalgia for Guillotines on Boysetsfire's album and wow that piano you played is awesome, it just hit me anew.
Posted by: jason on May 25, 2006 10:29 AM
darb, I am glad you got to play tonight because you were amazing!!! Especially the gallop/trip.
Posted by: mers on May 26, 2006 10:25 PM
How was the show tonight?
Posted by: ian on May 26, 2006 11:18 PM
I have to say that one of the most fun and scary times, is when you are on the edge of something new. The expectancy of a new kind of life, or perspective or people...i love it. I will pray that you enjoy the discovery.
Posted by: Elizabeth on June 2, 2006 12:26 PM
Hey Darby, I'm just wondering if you've ever heard of Beth Moore. She writes devotions for women--some people love them, some people are indifferent. But anyway, I'm doing one now called "Breaking Free" (not the actual book, but the workbook/member book). My life is in transition now too, and the devotional has been a great way to organize my time alone with God and really dig deep into my heart, past, family/friends... helping me see the big picture, and see where the enemy is still in charge (scary). I'm only in the 4th week, but so far so good! Maybe it's worth a try. I thought I'd recommend it anyway :)
Posted by: Laura on June 6, 2006 11:28 PM