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May 16, 2006
alkdjf
My creativity is locked away and has been for a while. Only recently has it crept out from behind a locked door...where it has been stuffed away under self hatred, shame and fear. i can tell when it is available to me, and it isn't available today.
I can't get to it. I try to pull it out, and all that I end up with is frustration. It's not my true self creating...it's me trying to be authentic, and it isn't the same thing. It's so frustrating, it makes me want to pull my hair out. It's totally trapped inside. Somewhere. It's like someone screaming to me from inside a soundproof glass room. I can't hear what she is saying, but I know she has something to say.
I have wanted to write a post, but i just have nothing to say that would be appropriate. Sometimes the things that are on my mind are things that can't be written in a place like this...
So here are some lyrics to a song I just wrote...hopefully I'll have the music recorded soon....
I know you've got the disease
I see in your eyes it's overtaken you
And I hear silent pleas through the disguise
Don't give away my secret
I won't give away your secret
But here is the part of my dream where I save you
And here is the part where you call out my name
Then I awake, you are gone
O my love
I'm lost, lost in the days
When you were here
When I could hold you close
And you were haunted, i know
But when you chose to go
You chose to leave me haunted
And here is the part of my dream where I save you
And this is the part where you call out my name
Then I awake, you are gone
O my love
Never again will I lay down my head
If you will not linger a while by my bed
Maybe I'll just start posting random lyrics, even if the music isn't recorded yet....
Hopefully soon I'll know how to do garageband alone ...then I'll be able to put music up...
Oh, i just got asked to play at a benefit concert on May 26th...it's a Friday night...I've decided that I"m going to accept any invitations I get to play, so I can get over my horrible stage fright. I usually get so completely scared that my hands shake and my throat gets dry and all of a sudden, the piano keys look completely unfamiliar...like I've never seen a keyboard before. Hopefully if I play in front of people enough times, I will not be so afraid. I guess we shall see...
goodnight...goodnight everybody, everywhere....
Posted by darby on May 16, 2006 08:27 PM
Comments
I would like to formally invite you to come play my piano and sing for a while. I'll just be chillin.
Posted by: Ian on May 16, 2006 10:47 PM
darby we like
even when creativity has gone on holiday
does the glow that surrounds you
count toward creativity?
Posted by: peaj on May 16, 2006 11:21 PM
Awesome, Darby. May 26th, huh--I think that I would actually be able to make that concert! Where is it, and what does it benefit?
Posted by: jessica on May 17, 2006 01:22 AM
Peaj, thank you. Jessic, can't wait til you're around for everything that goes on around here! And Ian, you name the time and I'll play. :)
Posted by: darby on May 17, 2006 06:59 AM
I totally feel your frustration, D. I long to make my creative passions tangible. They lie there dormant just waiting to erupt. Can get in on that "play anywhere" deal?
Posted by: min on May 18, 2006 09:36 PM
looking forward to darby's living room tour!
Posted by: awesome on May 19, 2006 09:18 AM
great idea! maybe we can entice her with treats... HMMM?
Posted by: min on May 19, 2006 01:56 PM
darby D on the back up, drug free, so put the crack up...MC darbo on da mic...don't have a car so you ride your bike...shout out to da cecil co. POSSE...BOYYYYYY...uh, sorry...
Posted by: mers on May 20, 2006 11:15 AM