If I'm going to sit on the beach, I actually prefer Bethany. But the little town of Rehoboth, i can't get enough of it. No matter what time of year it is, I love to be there. It used to be a ghost town off-season, but now it is open pretty much all year round. Shops with interesting and beautiful things to see, cafes heavy with the aroma of coffee and the hushed tones of deep discussions, candy shops that smell like buttery caramel corn and cocoa powder. The salty breeze, person after person on the sidewalk with sand on their ankles and the tops of their feet, shoes in hand.

I don't know why, but the feeling and the energy of the town is so inspirational to me. It is really liberating. Maybe it's because you don't really choose to spend a lot of time in Rehoboth if you get offended easily. Not like it's a complete den of iniquity, but there are just enough gay couples to make it really uncomfortable as a vacation spot for really judgemental Christians. And those (the latter) are some of my least favorite people in all the world. I can sense when I am within a one mile radius of one. I suddenly get the feeling that a really scary overweight, middle-aged white man in a suit and wingtips is standing behind me, ready to whack me over the head with a 2 by 4. And if two or more judgemental Christians gather together within a one mile radius of me, I sense it and have to pop a few xanax to be able to breathe.

I'm not saying that if homosexuality makes you feel uncomfortable, you are a judgemental Christian. I am saying, however, that my spirit prefers a place where there is more acceptance than not. And a lot of times those are places where really judgemental people don't want to hang out. To clarify, there are other kinds of spiritual feelings that make me feel really uncomfortable and bad....like really flagrantly perverted stuff that is meant to offend. But people, no matter who they are, just trying to live and make their way in this world, not trying to hurt anyone... gay, straight, Christian, non..... a lot of times that is the impression I have of people when I am in Rehoboth. Other people may have a different experience. But this is mine. And I love the freedom in that.

I am trying to figure out who I am as opposed to who I think I should be. i guess it's about time...I'm 31. But it's not an easy task. I'm trying to weed through all of the perceptions I have about myself and figure out which opinions are really mine, which beliefs, which values, which convictions. And I have discovered that for a lot of my life, I have been ashamed of how accepting I long to be of people. I have been ashamed that I have not wanted to tell other people that they are wrong, that they are in sin. I have "erred" in my heart on the side of compassion triumphing over judgement, trying to understand why someone is where they are instead of just speaking in terms of right versus wrong... I have believed that this is not truly love, but fear of speaking the "truth."

I guess at this point, I don't know enough about anything to tell anyone the truth about anything. But I do know that I really, really want someone to fill this empty, unfillable, insatiable lonliness deep within me. And when I see people, I can see (for the most part, unless it seems like someone is just plain evil and wants to be evil) that we are all just trying to fill that emptiness the best way we know how. Maybe it's not common for most people to feel this way, but I totally with all my heart understand why people are drawn to any substance or opportunity that might offer the hope of feeling somehow better. You better believe that I am tempted to ease my pain so desperately that if I was in the "wrong" place at the "wrong" time, I fear that I would not be able to walk away from temptation. Of any kind. Just being honest with myself, and with you.

But back to Rehoboth...I love it. And today was a day of hanging out in a great place with some of my favorite friends/family. And i just wanted to say that it was a beautiful day.