It was all Jason's idea in the first place--for me to record. I must say that without him, I would have given up the idea that I could write music at all. My music has been a smoldering flame --the self-loathing critic in me has been trying to extinguish it altogether, but by sheer love and determination Jase has been singlehandedly trying to keep it alive since we became friends in 1992.

He gave a demo of some stuff to Josh Latshaw and Chad Istvan of boysetsfire, and I have to admit that I was pretty nervous to let anyone hear it. Both Josh and Chad are incredible musicians and I was more than ecstatic that they wanted to work on this project. So, on December 26th, 2004 I went to their studio and we began the process of recording these songs.

The songs really only had piano and vocals when I wrote them. But it's pretty amazing what Chad and Josh did to them-- you can hear that they're so much more than piano and vocals. When I got to the studio, they both already had visions for what the songs could sound like, and they really brought them to life.

I think the thing that made me the happiest was that they could accentuate the feeling I had when I wrote each of songs, even if I couldn't articulate what I wanted them to sound like.

For instance, Chad definitely thought the PMS Song should sound like a crazy circus, which is the feeling I had when i wrote it. He totally brought that across. I have no idea how he went from hearing it in his head to bringing it into substance, but he did. It was a fascinating process.

This happened with every song. Josh would listen and say, "What if you tried . . . ." and he'd brilliantly arrange the song a little differently, which brought entirely new life to the song. Or Chad would say, "Right at this point, I'm hearing a . . . ." and he would pour time and care into the smallest detail, which would have a profound and wonderful effect on the whole song.

I've never worked on my music with anyone else, so it was a crazy feeling to have other people so involved, especially because music is really personal to me. But pretty much from the beginning, I trusted them both with my songs. I guess they're both kind of like musical midwives. I don't know how they would feel about that, but when I was there with them, I thought for the first time, "Maybe I really am a musician" . . . instead of just wishing with all of my heart that I was one. And I finally allowed the musician in me to be, and stopped trying to kill her.

You see, I write music basically to try to bring comfort to myself. Without going into much detail, I am a very tormented person. I guess that's not much of a surprise if you listen to the lyrics of some of my songs. Anyway, music is often the only thing that will help me--it transcends words and thoughts. . . and each song is a "place" where I can go.

Because of Josh and Chad, I actually want to go to these four little places.

So this was my experience working in the studio with Chad and Josh and watching the transformation of my songs. . .and I hope someday soon I can finish the project. . .but until then I keep writing music. . .